Love and D/s

One of my submissives  (I'm still getting used to saying that) is looking for a dominant play partner. 

The reason is a simple one; he likes some s&m activities that aren't my cup of tea. We're poly, I trust him, and he's being very responsible in his search. 

The irritation I'm experiencing currently is not his fault at all. A few days ago he was speaking with a potential play partner. I read over their chat. She asked the normal questions : Is your dom ok with you playing with others? Why are you looking for someone else? What are your wants and limits?

Her responses to his explanation for why he is looking seemed kind of off to me. 

First, she flat out stated that I'm a horrible dominant for not doing everything he wants as far as play goes. I have no issues with doing things on occasion that don't do much for me but that I know turn him on but there are somethings, humiliating speech for example, that he likes but I'm not comfortable doing. 

She also said that any feelings of affection have to be put aside while in-scene. No tenderness is allowed in Domly Domville. Sometimes I want to cover him in welts but sometimes I just want to snuggle fuck him til hes a pile of goo. Is that so wrong?

She basically implied that play and love must be seperate. That you cannot love someone and have a functional D/s relationship with that person. And that The Lifestyle is all about the freaky sex and less about the relationship dynamic. 

I know that our happiness is the thing that matters and we're very happy with each other but this whole thing has got me questioning myself. 

Sleep and control

Watching you sleep.

You've turned your back on me. I can just see the outline of your body in the almost dark. I want to trail my fingers along that line. Along the side of your head, down over your neck, especially your neck, over your shoulder and down the length of your arm lying on top of the covers.

You need your sleep and I've had my fun, had my hands on and in you and now it's your time to rest.

So I'll resist touching. I won't trace over the marks on your back, I won't wrap my hands around your throat, won't shove my fingers almost too far into your mouth. I'll resist your poor swollen and tender nipples and I'll refuse to think about the parts of you under the sheets.

I have to close my eyes now. Self control is hard.

After

I've said it before. I love to hurt you. I love watching you struggle to stay still for me. I love hearing your panting, your moans, your whispers. I love that you reach for me in your pain and wonder if you're even aware that you do that. I love watching the marks appear, using your flesh as my canvas. 

But my absolute favorite part is the after. Finally unfettered you melt into me trying to get as close as possible. Your eyes red and wet and so very expressive. Your lips soft and needy. You seem so raw, so small. I let you dissolve into me. Pet and cuddle. Occasionally pinch a welt or a bite mark just to feel a quiet moan against my neck. 

It makes me greedy for more. 

Sadistic pleasures

You're in pain.

Your hands are clenched, your body is rigid, your breathing is ragged.

You're unrestrained.

You could tell me to stop. You could defend yourself. You could get up and walk away. But you lie there and let me hurt you and it's absolutely delicious.

Occasionally your hands move to protect yourself and I wait. I know it's hard to lie still. And I get a fresh surge of tingles when you move them away again, opening yourself to more.

Thank you.

The things I want

One who isn't submissive to others in his day to day life but who submits to me, not because I'm female, not because he's horny but because he wants to submit to me specifically.

A gentleman. One who comes around the car to open my door, offers his arm, helps me off with my coat, pulls out chairs, rises when I leave the table, kisses my hand.

One who has a sense of humor and can joke and play can be a mischievous brat, not an annoying one.

One who is intelligent enough to be a smartass but knows when to behave as well.

One to whom I am important, who counts the minutes until he can see/speak with me again.

One who will pamper, massage, brush my hair, etc without expecting anything in return except my pleasure.

One who will curl up on the floor by my bed at night hoping to be invited up.

One who needs to kneel by my feet, bound and wanting, being of service, or just with head against my knee while I absentmindedly play with his hair.

One whose ass (or anything else) I can grab in public. Into whose ear I can whisper naughty things and torture with anticipation.

One who wants to be owned. To be mine. Who wants to be marked as my territory and property. Who wears a collar in private and something vanilla friendly in public so he is reminded often that he belongs to me. Whose orgasms, along with everything else, are mine. Who begs for permission to cum for my amusement, to be of service in any way I desire.

One who is respectful, but asks for what he wants when he wants it. Sometimes the answer is no, but I want to know what was wanted.

Someone who will allow me into their head, tell me their most secret desires but also about their day.

One who will be my dirty sex toy to play with in whatever way I want whenever and wherever I want, my table or footstool, and my sweet pet that craves affection, cuddles or a game of fetch.

One who calls me mistress or ma'am and means it.

One who is honest 100% of the time. When I ask a question, I want truth, not what the other thinks I want to hear.

I want to bite and suck and scratch and taste and caress and kiss and smack and pinch and nuzzle and smell and own.

I want to be a source of comfort on a bad day, a soft place to fall during trying times.

I want to redden his ass and then fuck it or be fucked by him depending solely on my mood.

On power and the exchange thereof

Kink is fun. Spanking, pegging, blindfolds and ball gags are all fun. A. Lot. Of. Fun. But what really gets my juices flowing (literally and figuratively) is the power exchange.

To be my happiest Domly self I don't need any tools or outfits, hell, I don't even need the sex. I need the power.

In previous relationships (or things that could've become relationships) I've said I wanted control. But I realize now that that is not entirely accurate. Which has probably screwed me a time or two.

Telling someone you want control implies that you want to control what they wear, eat, do with their free time, or the frequency with which they orgasm. But what I actually want is the power. More specifically I want the power to choose what I do and do not want to control.

Even more specifically I want/need someone to GIVE me that power. For me, it needs to be their choice to submit to me. I need someone to be mine but I also need them request to be mine, to offer themselves up.

Then I will happily take the reins (possibly also literally and figuratively).