Love and D/s

One of my submissives  (I'm still getting used to saying that) is looking for a dominant play partner. 

The reason is a simple one; he likes some s&m activities that aren't my cup of tea. We're poly, I trust him, and he's being very responsible in his search. 

The irritation I'm experiencing currently is not his fault at all. A few days ago he was speaking with a potential play partner. I read over their chat. She asked the normal questions : Is your dom ok with you playing with others? Why are you looking for someone else? What are your wants and limits?

Her responses to his explanation for why he is looking seemed kind of off to me. 

First, she flat out stated that I'm a horrible dominant for not doing everything he wants as far as play goes. I have no issues with doing things on occasion that don't do much for me but that I know turn him on but there are somethings, humiliating speech for example, that he likes but I'm not comfortable doing. 

She also said that any feelings of affection have to be put aside while in-scene. No tenderness is allowed in Domly Domville. Sometimes I want to cover him in welts but sometimes I just want to snuggle fuck him til hes a pile of goo. Is that so wrong?

She basically implied that play and love must be seperate. That you cannot love someone and have a functional D/s relationship with that person. And that The Lifestyle is all about the freaky sex and less about the relationship dynamic. 

I know that our happiness is the thing that matters and we're very happy with each other but this whole thing has got me questioning myself. 

Update

I've been away. It's time for an update.

I'm currently unemployed, by choice. My job of 6 years ended in November when my patient passed away. I had been working privately and decided to join an agency. They were so happy to have me that I was assigned a client before finishing their two day "training" program.

However,  when I tried to work my shift I felt sick. When it was time to work the second shift I had a panic attack! I can't take care of someone else when I'm having issues, so I quit.

And now I'm taking a break before venturing out again. It's nice not having to follow someone else's rules, but I do miss that extra money.

In other news, my Bear and I are almost 5 months into our relationship. This is the longest D/s relationship I've managed and I think it's going very well. We've both had some negative experiences so we've been moving a bit slowly but things are progressing nicely.