Love and D/s

One of my submissives  (I'm still getting used to saying that) is looking for a dominant play partner. 

The reason is a simple one; he likes some s&m activities that aren't my cup of tea. We're poly, I trust him, and he's being very responsible in his search. 

The irritation I'm experiencing currently is not his fault at all. A few days ago he was speaking with a potential play partner. I read over their chat. She asked the normal questions : Is your dom ok with you playing with others? Why are you looking for someone else? What are your wants and limits?

Her responses to his explanation for why he is looking seemed kind of off to me. 

First, she flat out stated that I'm a horrible dominant for not doing everything he wants as far as play goes. I have no issues with doing things on occasion that don't do much for me but that I know turn him on but there are somethings, humiliating speech for example, that he likes but I'm not comfortable doing. 

She also said that any feelings of affection have to be put aside while in-scene. No tenderness is allowed in Domly Domville. Sometimes I want to cover him in welts but sometimes I just want to snuggle fuck him til hes a pile of goo. Is that so wrong?

She basically implied that play and love must be seperate. That you cannot love someone and have a functional D/s relationship with that person. And that The Lifestyle is all about the freaky sex and less about the relationship dynamic. 

I know that our happiness is the thing that matters and we're very happy with each other but this whole thing has got me questioning myself. 

Update

I've been away. It's time for an update.

I'm currently unemployed, by choice. My job of 6 years ended in November when my patient passed away. I had been working privately and decided to join an agency. They were so happy to have me that I was assigned a client before finishing their two day "training" program.

However,  when I tried to work my shift I felt sick. When it was time to work the second shift I had a panic attack! I can't take care of someone else when I'm having issues, so I quit.

And now I'm taking a break before venturing out again. It's nice not having to follow someone else's rules, but I do miss that extra money.

In other news, my Bear and I are almost 5 months into our relationship. This is the longest D/s relationship I've managed and I think it's going very well. We've both had some negative experiences so we've been moving a bit slowly but things are progressing nicely.

Shopping while poly

Yesterday we went grocery shopping as a group for the first time. It only make sense as we're doing the "intentional family" thing and my boyfriend is eating here more and more often.

But it was slightly surreal. I'm used to hubby adding things to the cart without my notice but to have two of them doing it? Kinda like shopping with kids.

I'm not sure we were ever all together at once. Hubby would find something interesting and lag behind to look at it, Boyfriend would get tired of watching me compare prices and wander off gor a bit.

I'd hug or kiss whoever happened to be nearest when the mood struck. At times I'd ask one or the other which flavor they wanted.

If someone were to pay close attention, I'd imagine they be slightly confused.

Sleep and control

Watching you sleep.

You've turned your back on me. I can just see the outline of your body in the almost dark. I want to trail my fingers along that line. Along the side of your head, down over your neck, especially your neck, over your shoulder and down the length of your arm lying on top of the covers.

You need your sleep and I've had my fun, had my hands on and in you and now it's your time to rest.

So I'll resist touching. I won't trace over the marks on your back, I won't wrap my hands around your throat, won't shove my fingers almost too far into your mouth. I'll resist your poor swollen and tender nipples and I'll refuse to think about the parts of you under the sheets.

I have to close my eyes now. Self control is hard.

After

I've said it before. I love to hurt you. I love watching you struggle to stay still for me. I love hearing your panting, your moans, your whispers. I love that you reach for me in your pain and wonder if you're even aware that you do that. I love watching the marks appear, using your flesh as my canvas. 

But my absolute favorite part is the after. Finally unfettered you melt into me trying to get as close as possible. Your eyes red and wet and so very expressive. Your lips soft and needy. You seem so raw, so small. I let you dissolve into me. Pet and cuddle. Occasionally pinch a welt or a bite mark just to feel a quiet moan against my neck. 

It makes me greedy for more. 

Introductions

I want to talk about my relationships here so I suppose I need to make some introductions.

Hello, I'm Kat. This is one of the places I express myself. I am polyamorous, pagan (leaning toward atheism), and sex positive. I've been told I'm a sensual dominant and that's true, I do love to cuddle and pet. But I'd classify myself as a sadist and a reaction junkie. I adore the noises men make when they're in pain!

I'm in an, almost, 16 year relationship with a man. We'll call him Wolf here. He is also dominant, for a while I tried to be his submissive but that is not who am. I'll tell you that story another time. We're happily vanillish with each other.

Recently I began a relationship with a man who I've known online for about a year. We'll call him Bear and he's turning out to be a lovely submissive and is making me very happy.

Kissing

To me kissing is one of the most intimate things I can do. I can count the number of men I've kissed on one hand. There are people out there who have had my mouth on most areas of their bodies, but not their lips. 

But. 

You were kneeling there, hooded with only your mouth free. I was pulling hard on the chain between your nipple clamps. You tried to resist moving forward. (I never get tired of watching the internal battle to stay still) Your lips parted as you gasped with the pain. 

Eventually, blind and in pain, you stumbled closer to me. And as I leaned forward listening to your moans your mouth was right there. Open slightly, tongue quickly licking over them, soft, and inviting. And so I kissed you. I felt the shift move through your body as I breathed your breath, caught your moans with my mouth. 

And now I can't stop kissing you, even when your poor lips are bruised with bite marks.